I’m all about honesty, so I won’t lie to you—this was the hardest chapter in my story to overcome. As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, I am intimately familiar with the feelings of not being enough. For most of my life, I felt I wasn’t good enough. Not a good enough daughter, sister, mother, wife, or career woman. Countless hours in therapy helped me work through these feelings, and I believe many moms, women, and even men struggle with similar sentiments.
Now that we’ve covered the heavy topics, let’s talk about the two types of guilt most people experience…
True Mom Guilt True mom guilt shows up when something genuinely clashes with your values or expectations. Think about those times when you promised to attend your child’s school play but ended up missing it because of a work deadline. That heart-wrenching feeling is true guilt. It’s a signal that something’s out of sync. It might be time to reassess your priorities or figure out a better balance between work and family.
False Mom Guilt False mom guilt, however, is like that pesky visitor who just won’t leave. It stems from unrealistic expectations or outside pressures. It’s the nagging voice that berates you for not making homemade cookies for the school bake sale, even when you barely had time to breathe. This type of guilt is usually baseless and comes from a harsh inner critic.
Navigating False Mom Guilt
The truth is false mom guilt is really just a nasty story we tell ourselves that undermines who we are as mothers. The good news is it’s all lies, and we have the power to tell a different, true story.
Try this out: "I’m a working mother who [insert how your job models or supports the values you want to teach them]. I express my love for my children by [insert all the things you do to tell your children you love them]."
For me, this sounds like:
"I’m a working mom who is showing my children you can find a balance to accomplish a variety of goals, including succeeding in my career and taking care of myself while still being a present and loving parent.
I express love for my children by being present with them when we’re together and using the money I earn from my work to help them explore the world through new experiences."
Other Easy Ways to Diffuse Mom Guilt
Amidst all the perfect motherhood portrayals in the media, it’s easy to feel inadequate. But here’s the thing: every mom’s journey is unique. Here are some more tips to help you manage mom guilt.
Reflect on Your Feelings
When guilt creeps in, ask yourself, “Is this true guilt or false guilt?” Getting to the root can help you address what really matters or let go of unnecessary self-criticism.
Be Kind to Yourself
Motherhood is no cakewalk, and you’re doing the best you can. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Remember, it’s okay not to be perfect.
Celebrate Small Wins
Take a moment to appreciate the small victories, like surviving a rough day or sharing a laugh with your child. These little moments are what motherhood is all about.
Seek Support
Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network. Whether it’s family, friends, therapist, or a community group, sharing your experiences can lighten the emotional load.
What’s Your Story?
Next time mom guilt comes knocking, ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself?” If the narrative isn’t helpful, change it. Rewrite it with compassion and understanding, and celebrate the amazing mom you are.
Looking for more guidance on balancing motherhood and career? Check out my blog post Is It Time To Embrace The Pivot? for practical tips and insights.
For personalized and DIY life coaching for mama’s who want to do it all, explore my life coaching options at Katie’s Coaching Corner and start your journey towards a more balanced life today!
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